When life gets you down, and it seems like you cannot get anything right, you can feel the pain starting to sink in. For some people, they can get over the emotional pain of being rejected easily, but for others, they carry it with them for a long time. “Emotional pain can become an addiction to some people. Overwhelmed with feelings like sadness, depression, guilt, shame or fear, these emotions become so common and constant that you may feel like it’s a part of you and you can’t imagine life without it,” says Elizabeth Hartney, PhD.
Whether you are coming from a heartbreak, death, or troubles in your career, emotional or psychological pain is not something to be dismissed. Just like physical illnesses, emotional pain can cause as much suffering. But how can you deal with it, and what can you do to ease this pain?
Accept Your Pain
The five stages of grief by Elisabeth Kubler Ross and David Kessler tells us that most people undergo certain levels before they can finally accept the truth. There will be denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and of course, acceptance. Most people get stuck on the 4th stage, which can be problematic.
Only a few have successfully reached the final stage, to finally accept what had happened. However, this does not mean that you cram your way throughout all the stages to get to the final stage because you might just end up fooling yourself. You should allow yourself to feel the way you do, understand that it takes time to heal all wounds, and that time is only relative.
“If you find that you repeatedly make the same mistake or the same kinds of mistakes, you probably express negative emotions (or stuff them) without altering the meaning you give them, i.e., without focus on healing and improving,” says Steven Stosny, Ph.D.
Your wounds will not heal if you keep covering it up. For any wound to heal faster, you must allow it out in the open. Reach out to your family and to your friends or join a support group.
You can also try seeking the help of a profession also you can get a different perspective. Do not be afraid to tell other people what you are going through. If you decided already that they will only judge you for it, you would never know for sure.
“There is no shame to be had over not immediately recognizing you are in need of help; there is only hope to be gained in recognizing you do,” says Elyssa Barbash Ph.D.
Try to fight that pessimism, that you will be judged if you opened up. If you do not try to reach out to others, you will never know for sure what help or support you can possibly get. You might even gain the acceptance and understanding you need, only if you just speak up.
For any type of problem, one might say that moving forward is the best thing to do. Indeed, it is the best thing to do, but also not the easiest. If you cannot accept your pain and let go about what had happened in the past, you cannot possibly move forward no matter how hard you try.
The emotional baggage will drag you deeper without you noticing it, not unless you truly understood and accepted what happened. You should also understand that there will be no shortcuts on this road, only your phasing.
All people have different phrasing, and time is only relative when it comes to moving on. But in the end, you always must make the decision whether you will let the situation hold you back or lead to a much better path suited for you.